i deserve an award for how good i am at screwing shit up.
honestly?
im actually kind of upset right now. im not angry and i mean i knew it was coming but its more real now. even if nothing happens between you, she got the flowers. i didn’t. she got the prom date she wanted. i didn’t. she’s public and im kept a complete secret. and honestly i COULD have gone to prom. with someone i actually could have liked a little bit. but you’re a jealous person too. just like me. and i didn’t wanna make you feel how i do. you mean more to me than that. im not asking you to give anything up, but at least try to appreciate what im going through.
venting.
if i want someone to know something, i will tell them. NOT YOU. i understand someone else may have told you something, but keep it to yourself, damn it. she doesn’t need to know everything. especially if it has nothing to do with either of you.
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i fucking hate you. why? you make promises you won’t keep. you take every chance you get and throw it to the wind. you make me feel special, then make me feel like im nothing. you turn me into someone im not. i talk to you and i get all giddy. that doesn’t happen to me, okay? you make me nervous. that time i ran into you out of nowhere? as soon as you turned your back i couldn’t stop shaking for ten minutes. you make me so nervous i wanna puke, but im slowly getting over that. not that you notice anyway, fucking idiot. you don’t make time for me but you make time for just about everything else. you say you like me, so why can’t you act like it? im so much smarter than this. i don’t know why i started talking to you. that day i met you. i don’t know why you’re in my life at all. the same day you came, you left. i have thought about you every day since then. that sounds crazy and in all honesty i have always thought girls like that were crazy. im trying my hardest to go back to sanity. before you made me turn into such a little girl with a schoolgirl crush. so i did something to get you in for good. or at least give it a real shot.but now that you’re in it i want you to stay. im trying. you don’t realize it, but I’ve laid my pride out and put it at your feet. but this won’t last forever. i can’t try forever. i might not stop thinking about it. or about you. but like all things, this too, shall pass and your chances are limited.
